Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
