dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
