Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
