i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
