took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You smell like stripper and shame
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
