So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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