I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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