i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
