Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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