i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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