So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
