I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
