the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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