I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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