I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
