Don't you send me to vm
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
