Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
