So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
