I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
