Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
