So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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