I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
