Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
