Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
