Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
