i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
