she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
