Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
