Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
