Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
