Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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