I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.