Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.