we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.