ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.