so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
