I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
