You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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