i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
