OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
