I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
