ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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