finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
