lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
