i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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