i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
