it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
