I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
