i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
