Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
