Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Houston, we have a blender
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize