her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
