just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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