I wish my penis had an off switch
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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