so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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