I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
