bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
