i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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