I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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