I wanna passion pit in your ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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