we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
