Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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