well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
