Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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