toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
