I'm so fucking centered right now
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
