Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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