Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
