i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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